Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Unreliable Narrator

[contact reestablished]

Four years ago (1), I found myself on my own, with very little in the way of responsibility, and making the most money I ever had in my life. So I bought an iPhone, and it changed my life in much the same way that Jesus had not. Because of this, its nickname became "Jesus Phone," and eventually just "Jesus." (2)

Jesus and I were very happy together, until one dark day when, while stick-fighting ninjas in order to save a schoolbus from plunging over a cliff into lava, I accidentally dropped him in the toilet. (3)

By that time, the iPhone 3G was out, so the very next day I bought one. He needed a name too, of course, and since he was all black (4) and I needed someone even cooler than Jesus to name him after, I chose "Dio." (2 again)

Dio served me well for two years (1), but when the iPhone 4 came out, he started having issues. These weren't really his fault, of course. But all the new software updates were designed for the more powerful iPhone 4, and my poor little 3G struggled with them (5).

Still, Dio basically worked, and I was no longer as rich as I'd once been, so I held out. These things aren't designed to last forever, though, and eventually Dio's "home button" started to give me problems. I soldiered on, probably far longer than I should have. It's hard to let go of old friends sometimes (6).

It was Misty who finally insisted that we go to the AT&T Store yesterday and buy me a new phone (7). There was just one problem, though: Who's cooler than Dio?!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...


1. Approximately. I'm way to lazy to try to figure out an exact day here.

2. I'm sorry if this offends anyone of a religious persuasion, but go fuck yourselves.

3. Did I really need to put "accidentally"? Is there any chance you might have thought that I did it on purpose?

4. The first generation iPhone had an aluminum back-piece and trimming.

5. The 3GS probably did better, but Apple simply didn't care about the iPhone 3 any longer.

6. My recommendation: Don't name inanimate objects.

7. That's right, guys: My girlfriend made me buy the new iPhone. Jealous?

[transmission terminated at source]

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

To The Disco Room!

[begin transmission]

Yeah yeah, I don't blog anymore. Whatever. (Actually, this post is sort of proof that I do--just at a much slower pace.)

Anyway, Misty wanted a disco CD for the car--and I've toyed with the idea in the past, myself. I could never find any compilations that seemed even close to what I wanted, though. And doing it myself seemed like too much work. (Which, in fact, turned out to be correct.)

Nevertheless, I now present you with the perfect disco CD. (And, when I say "disco," I mean classic 70's disco cheese, no crossover new wave 'heart of glass' stuff here.)

Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Brick House - The Commodores
Dancing Queen - ABBA
Stayin’ Alive - The Bee Gees
Funky Town - Lipps Inc.
Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas
Ladies Night - Kool & The Gang
That’s The Way I Like It - KC & The Sunshine Band
Boogie Wonderland - Earth, Wind & Fire
Le Freak - Chic
Turn The Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson
Car Wash - Rose Royce
Shake Your Groove Thing - Peaches & Herb
We Are Family - Sister Sledge
Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Upside Down - Diana Ross
Y.M.C.A. - The Village People
You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
Don’t Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Pick Up The Pieces - Average White Band
Last Dance - Donna Summer

There are 22 songs, because that's how many fit on a 80-minute CD. But feel free to post your, "What, no ______ by _______?" comments here.

(And yes, Michele, I know I'm gay. Thanks.)

[carrier lost]

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Permanent Tourist

[-begin transmission-]

Now that the job search is over, I've been able to turn my attentions toward more pleasant things. Like posting photos over on Theme Park Review.

As you may have already been aware, I had a Smoky Mountain Adventures thread over there last year, in which I detailed all the crazy tourist attractions available in and around Pigeon Forge. That thread, by necessity, was ended when we moved to Orlando. But now I have a new one for Florida:

Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

So far, I've posted photos from Walt Disney World, St. Augustine, and McDonald's. So you know it has to be good.

[-carrier lost-]

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mare Tranquillitatis

[-begin transmission-]

Hey everybody, I have a job!

I don't start for, like, two weeks--but still, at least I can relax a little bit now, mentally.

I applied at quite a few hotels, since I have so much recent experience with that (and I knew it would pay better). But what I really wanted to do was return to the parks (money be damned). Preferably, SeaWorld.

Anyway, it took a month, but they finally called me. Hooray!

This will be my second stint with the company. I worked in guest services at Discovery Cove about four years ago, before relocating to Tennessee. So it seems only appropriate to go back to work for them now that I live in Orlando again. It's a different actual job this time, though.

I am a "security ambassador."

No, I'm not really sure what it means, either. But as long as it doesn't involve food or toilets, I'm good.

So if you want to bring a bag into SeaWorld, look me up. I'll poke it with a stick for you.

[-carrier lost-]

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Wizard of Boom

[-begin transmission-]

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. In Orlando. Still. I mean, I do live here. Still sort of feels like a vacation, though. A really sucky vacation where I have to look for a job all the time but can't find one. Which is why I haven't posted much. No, not because I'm so busy looking for work. But because I've always been less comfortable posting the negative things that are happening in my life. I'd prefer to just hold off until I have a job. And then I can post, "Hey everybody, I have a job!" That would be nice. But alas.

Not that I'm giving up or anything, mind you. In fact, right at the moment, at 11:00pm on a Sunday night, I'm writing this while killing time waiting to call a guy back about a job. That's how dedicated I am.

And in between, I'm trying to enjoy Orlando. Which really is a great town, outside of the complete lack of job openings. I'm going to Disney World, like, three time a week. (Hey, I'm unemployed and I have an annual pass.) Playing mini golf here and there. Visiting family (both mine and Misty's). And just generally trying not to think about my mounting bills while constantly adding to them. So that's fun.

Hopefully, my next post will be, "Hey, I got a job!" And it will be less than a month from now.

[-carrier lost-]